Daughter Letter 2, For the Child She Is
This piece is part of The Daughter Letters—a series of love letters written from the perspectives of mother, daughter, divine child, and divine mother.
I read this to my daughter before it was shared with anyone else. Shared with consent.
Hi sweet girl,
You are right that a lot of people do not understand you, but that is not your fault. Even I—your mama, who loves you so freakin’ much—sometimes don’t understand you. And I know that hurts you. I am learning how to be your mom by being your mom, and that can be hard for both of us sometimes.
You are a little ahead of us. You haven’t learned to hide as much of yourself as we have.
Because of that, we sometimes treat you like you are bad or wrong—like you should have to hide those parts of you too. We have made you feel small and scared. Sometimes we’ve made you feel like it’s not okay to be you, like you shouldn’t exist. But we are the ones who are wrong, my darling.
You are more real, more honest, more feeling and all of that is GOOD. Your feelings are never wrong. Who you are is beautiful and perfect, exactly as you are.
You are so alive, vibrant, and BIG, and it is wonderful you are this way. You are like Goddess herself—full of love and power. You are more of what I am trying to be.
All your ancestors who tried their very best did it so you could exist. They wanted you to be more yourself than they got to be. And here you are—so gorgeously you. You are the hope and wishes of every mother who has come before you. We want you here exactly as you are.
But I know that is not how we make you feel all the time. Because you don’t hide all of what we were taught to hide, we blame you. We show you that we think you should be different than you are—more like who we have had to be. You have noticed this. This is why you feel like you are bad and wrong.
You feel like you shouldn’t exist because we have made you feel that way. I have made you feel that way. Then, we made it seem like you feeling that way is wrong. We hurt you, and then we acted like you being hurt was your fault. It’s really confusing and can feel scary.
I am so very sorry.
Even as we adored you, we made you feel unlovable. Even as we wanted you, we made you feel like you didn’t belong here. Even as we delighted in you, we made you feel like you are bad. We failed you, my sweet girl, but we made you feel like you are failing us. That is so unfair.
Shame is the feeling we have when we feel like who we are is wrong. We have made you feel like who you are is wrong, and in doing that, we gave you shame. You are carrying it in your body as if it is yours, but it is our shame you are holding. It is the shame my mother gave me, and that I have now given to you. I would like to take it back.
I never wanted you to feel bad, wrong, or like you shouldn’t exist. I hoped to protect you from those painful feelings. But I couldn’t. I am mothering myself as I mother you, and that means I still sometimes act like you are bad or wrong. I also hope you can see what I am doing well. There is so much good here too.
You are helping me to grow, and I am willing to grow for you. I have learned that what I push away in you is what my mom pushed away in me—and I have told you this. I am telling you the truth. I am learning how to love all of who I am so I can love all of who you are. I have hurt you, and I am here: saying I’m sorry, loving us both, and showing you how to be a caring human who makes mistakes and stays connected anyway.
I am becoming a mother who hasn’t existed before. You will do even better than me.
I love you as big as the universe. I want to help you stay close to who you really are. I will keep learning and growing. I will get bigger so I can be the one holding your bigness.
You belong here on this planet. You are human like the rest of us. You are who the world most needs—the very best of all of us.
I hope you can start to believe in yourself. I hope you can see your beauty like I do.
I love you so much my darling girl.
All of my love,
Mama