Daughter Letter 4
To the Daughter I Am,
You don’t need to worry so much about loving your mother. It was never your job to do.
Nor was it your job to make it seem as though she could love you.
I am so sorry, sweetheart.
You deserved to be loved.
Look at you.
You, who survived annihilation with your soul intact.
You, who broke from reality, betting all your faith on your ability to survive it, and who found your long way back by refusing to believe the lie.
You, who chose to believe your body over everything else.
You, who laid all your love before your child, unwilling to let anyone break her reality, no matter the cost. Even when the person you had to stop from breaking it was you.
You told the truth with her.
You loved her.
You preserved her life.
By now, you know that their inability to love you was never about you.
It is okay to wish things had been different. You don’t betray yourself by wishing you had been born into love.
Love is your birthright.
I am happy to give it back.
You are astonishingly beautiful.
You, who should not exist.
You, who were wily and devious in fighting for your life, and who, once you knew you’d survived, chose softening again.
I want nothing more than to welcome you back into this marvelous celebration of you.
Stay.
See.
Your life, the prayer.
Your home, the temple.
Your name, the way.
Love, you.
Love your daughter.
Release the burden of needing to love your mother.
People who can’t survive the truth can never love the truthteller.
Love your mother from a great distance, the way you love snakes and bees, by what you remember of them.
You hurt yourself when you hand your love to someone who perceives it as a weapon.
It does you no good to pretend that people who cannot love you do.
You survived.
Let that old existence go.
You, who could not be annihilated.
My girl.
Your mother could not love you, but I have loved you all along.
Turn, darling, to the love that has always been here.
It is time.
You can trust what you trust now.
You exist.
I am here, whenever you are ready to be held.
You have my heart,
Stay.
See.
Love,
The Mother You Are